I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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