East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
