I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
