Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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