He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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