Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
