Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
