If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
is that a dick in a sweater?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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