I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
