I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
