Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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