we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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