Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
