I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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