dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
