she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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