my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
