Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
