her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
