Can i not drive my cunt home
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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