That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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