Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
