I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
