oh god the rape fog is back!
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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