Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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