Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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