He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
it glows. i had to have it.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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