You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
