Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
