Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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