yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
