If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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