Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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