if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He felt like a one man threesome
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
