So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
