I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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