Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
