I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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