And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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