she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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