Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
