then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
