When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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