it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
