he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
