Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
