I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
