One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
