You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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