a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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