an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
