I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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