The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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