We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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