I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
