Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
