So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
