Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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