Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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