at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
