i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
